


I Can't Promise I Won't Protect You

by Spades13



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Akabane Karma Gives Shiota Nagisa Said Hug, Akabane Karma is a Good Friend, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I forgot how good this series is, I wrote like ten Ass Class stories in a week, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Karma is kinda OOC, Mentioned Shiota Hiromi, Mentioned Shiota Nagisa's Father, Oneshot, Protective Akabane Karma, Shiota Hiromi's Bad Parenting, Shiota Nagisa Needs a Hug, Suicidal Shiota Nagisa, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes, i love these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29390172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spades13/pseuds/Spades13
Summary: Karma’s fingers trembled and the paper began to crease in their grasp. It was a page torn from a notebook, the words hastily drawn in frantic script. Despite the veil of sloppiness, Karma recognized the penmanship immediately.“Nagisa…”-Karma finds Nagisa's suicide note.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45





	I Can't Promise I Won't Protect You

**I’m sorry.**

**I’m sorry I could never be everything you wanted me to. I’m sorry raising me was so difficult. I’m sorry I wasn’t smart enough. I’m sorry I didn’t work hard enough. I’m sorry I’ll never live up to your expectations.**

**I’m sorry for all of the times I made you angry. I’m sorry I made you act so harshly. I’m sorry for being disobedient and stubborn.**

**I’m sorry I wasn’t perfect.**

**Please don’t think this is your fault. Don’t blame yourself for this. I just can’t live with myself anymore. I’ve hurt you too much. I’ve been too difficult. You’re better off without me. I love you. I hope that deep down, you love me too.**

**Try not to miss me too much, I’ve not given you a reason to.**

**Goodbye, mom.**

Karma’s fingers trembled and the paper began to crease in their grasp. It was a page torn from a notebook, the words hastily drawn in frantic script. Despite the veil of sloppiness, Karma recognized the penmanship immediately. 

“Nagisa…” He breathed and the page crumpled in his fist. 

“Karma?” Isogai’s voice burned through the unseen force that kept Karma paralyzed and his golden eyes snapped to attention. “Are you okay?” 

“Where’s Nagisa?” Venom seeped out of his mouth, apprehension rolling off of him in such forceful waved he was nearly surprised to see the class president still on his feet. 

“I don’t know.” Isogai’s brows drew together. “He said he was going for a walk during break. Is something wrong?” 

Karma didn’t realize he was running until he exploded out the front door of the school, nearly toppling Nakamura as he did so. 

“Woah!” Nakamura laughed at the ordeal, but stopped when she saw the look on his face. “What’s wrong?” She grabbed his arm, demanding an answer to the foreboding aura emanating from her usually carefree partner in crime. 

“Where’s Nagisa?” Karma’s eyes quickly scanned the students who were milling about the campus, enjoying the beautiful late-fall sun that was much too bright for karma’s current situation. Nagisa was not among the rest of the class. 

“He went for a walk in the woods.” Nakamura’s voice shook, she wasn’t sure if it was from confusion or the uneasiness she felt at Karma’s uncharacteristic mood. 

“Which way?” 

Nakamura pointed to the last place she’d seen Nagisa, the opening to a barely-there trail that nobody ever walked. 

Nobody but Karma and Nagisa. 

Karma took off, once again leaving his brain behind for a few moments while his body covered a hundred meters of distance. Branches and bushes grabbed at his clothes, wrapped their limbs through his hair, but Karma ignored them. He pressed forward, heart racing not from exertion, but adrenaline. He ducked a rather low-hanging branch with hardly a millimeter of leeway. Another tree limb managed to seize his hairline, leaving behind a dull sting when he refused to stop. 

Before long, the trail opened up to a field. A field that was cut off by a cliff. A flash of blue that wasn’t the clear sky caught Karma’s eyes and he felt his feet moving impossibly faster. 

“Hmm?” Nagisa turned his head, confusion written across his face, only rotated a hundred and twenty degrees of his full one-eighty before Karma’s body crashed into him. They both tumbled to the ground with a skid and a thump and a groan from Nagisa. They lay there for a second, Nagisa staring at the sky, listening to Karma’s panting breaths while he tried to sort out what had just happened. 

“Karma-kun…?” Nagisa asked after thirty seconds of being pinned by his trembling friend. “What the hell are you doing?” 

“Nagisa.” Karma’s voice was strained and desperate, unlike it had ever sounded before. “Nagisa, don’t. Please don’t.” 

“Don’t what?” Nagisa managed to wriggle out from Karma’s weight and sit up, guiding the taller boy to do the same. 

“I found this…” Karma looked up into Nagisa’s questioning face and held out the ball of notebook paper that had been wrapped in his fist. Nagisa took the scrunched sheet and unfurled it, eyes widening as soon as he realized what it was. 

“Where did you find this?” His voice was low and somber, confirming for Karma that Nagisa had been the one to write it. 

“On the floor in the classroom. By the door.” 

“Karma, I-” he was cut off by Karma’s strong arms wrapping around him, this time in a crushing hug as opposed to a surprise tackle. 

“Don’t do it!” Karma begged, his resolve disintegrated and he was reduced to a sobbing mess, clutching at Nagisa’s vest as his tears flowed into the blue hair he’d buried his face in. 

“Karma.” Nagisa was tense in his arms, but hugged him back. He could feel his own façade beginning to crack around the edges, but fought to keep the fragments together. “I won’t. I promise I won’t.” 

“Why did you write it?” One of Karma’s fists wrapped itself in Nagisa’s pigtails while the other clutched around his waist, desperate to hang onto anything that would assure him his best friend was indeed alive and well. 

“Because…” Nagisa breathed and felt a sliver of himself falling away from the whole. Tears burned behind his eyes. This was not a conversation he’d expected to have. Ever. “Because I thought I would.” He admitted, shrinking into Karma’s chest as the arms around him pulled tighter, making it hard to breathe. “I thought I was going to.” 

“Why?” Karma could barely get the strangled question out. 

“I thought I was a burden to everyone.” Nagisa had never said out loud what he thought of his own existence. “I thought people just put up with me. Everyone around me had so many strengths and talents, and I had none. I was just there. Invisible to almost everybody. And the people who did see me… they just used me to make themselves look better. I didn’t think anyone would miss me if I just… disappeared.” 

“Bullshit.” Karma whispered when Nagisa had been silent for a few seconds. “I would miss you. Koro-sensei would miss you. Karasuma-sensei would miss you. Bitch-sensei would miss you. Everyone in E-Class would miss you.” 

“That’s why I won’t.” Nagisa felt a smile pulling at the corner of his lip despite the tears which were still threatening to spill over. “I realized that I do have people who care. E-Class is the family I never had. I can’t just leave you guys. Especially not you.” 

“Me?” Karma pulled away just enough to look down into Nagisa’s azure orbs, bloodshot and glazed with held-back tears. 

“You’re my best friend.” Nagisa shrugged and leaned back into Karma’s warm embrace. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hugged. It had been months. Years maybe. 

“But…” Karma cringed as he remembered back to their second year. “I abandoned you. I left you and made you feel like you were alone. Nagisa… did I make you-?” 

“No.” Nagisa interrupted firmly and squeezed his arms tightly around Karma’s middle. “Don’t blame yourself. If I had followed through… it would have been my fault. My actions are my own, not anyone else’s.” 

“But-”

“No, Karma. You did nothing.” 

Karma took a breath, steadying himself if only slightly. “You didn’t mention me in the note.” Now that he knew Nagisa was alive, Karma couldn’t help but admit that it hurt to have not been included in Nagisa’s final words.

Nagisa tensed again. “I wrote thirty-two.” He whispered. “One for her, one for my dad, one for each teacher, and one for each student in the E-Class. Everyone who had an impact on my life. I carry them with me. Hers must have fallen out of my bag somehow.” 

“But… But you said when you met us you decided not to go through with it…” 

“I…” Nagisa had said that. “I’ve had my moments…” it was strange to talk so openly about his mental health. But it was also relieving. With every word he uttered about his struggles, he felt a weight lifted from his constantly sagging shoulders. “I’ve considered it a few times since the year began… but every time I start spiraling, I re-read the notes I and realize that I have no reason to. I care about too many people. And too many people care about me. Life isn’t always bad.” 

“Nagisa…” Karma couldn’t stop saying his name. it was almost a reassurance to himself that he wasn’t holding a ghost or an imposter. “Please, talk to me. I may not be good at feelings and all that but… You can talk to me any time. And if you don’t want to talk to me… talk to someone. Sugino, Kayano, Isogai, Koro-sensei, someone. Anyone. Please. Just tell someone what’s going on.” 

“I wouldn’t want to bother anyone.” 

“What would bother us is if you killed yourself!” That hit both of them like a bullet to the heart. Neither had ever heard nor spoken those words in reference to themselves or someone they cared about. It was somehow different than hearing or talking about a random suicide. “Helping a friend isn’t a bother. Losing one is.” 

“My mother is sick.” The words tumbled out of Nagisa’s mouth before he could give them a second thought. “She wanted a girl so badly, she’s sometimes convinced I’m her daughter. She won’t let me cut my hair because of it. She sometimes puts me in dresses on really bad days. Even when she’s clear, she criticizes everything I do. I can never do anything right. If I stand up to her, she loses her mind. She constantly tells me how much of a burden I am. I sometimes think she doesn’t even love me.” His voice broke at the last word and Nagisa’s mask finally shattered. The tears escaped and began soaking into the front of Karma’s shirt. 

Karma was stunned into silence. He knew Nagisa wasn’t close with his family, but this… this was like nothing he’d ever expected. On any other day, rage would have been boiling in Karma’s core, a plan for revenge already running through his head, but right now, Nagisa needed him. And Nagisa needed him to be calm. Collected. Reassuring. 

“I’m so sorry.” Karma began stroking his hand gently through Nagisa’s hair in a way he hoped was comforting. “You don’t deserve any of that, Nagisa. That’s horrible. I’m so sorry…” He hadn’t been lying when he said he ‘wasn’t good at feelings.’ Karma really couldn’t figure out what to say. “What about your dad?” 

“He left when I was little.” Nagisa sniffed, trying to get himself under control. “He couldn’t handle the arguments. Mom got full custody in the divorce.” 

“Does he know?” 

“I don’t see him often.” Nagisa thought back to the summer when his dad had taken him for sushi. He’d considered telling his father the truth about life with his mother, but didn’t want to worry him. “When I do, we don’t really talk about her. I don’t want him to feel guilty.” 

“Nagisa, he should know.” Karma gave him a gentle squeeze, hoping to quell the tremble that had overtaken Nagisa’s body. “If you tell him, he might be able to help.” 

“My mother is the one who needs help.” Nagisa had been telling himself that since he was old enough to realize his home life was different from the other kids in his classes. “She’s sick. She doesn’t mean to be the way she is. She needs help.” 

“But it’s not your job to help her.” That was the first time Nagisa had heard that. From a child, he’d taken it upon himself to research mental illnesses and treatments to try and combat his mother’s symptoms. He’d always thought that maybe one day they’d be happy. “She needs help from professionals. What if she hurt you?” 

“She’d never hurt me.” Nagisa pushed away from Karma, his still watering eyes hard around the edges. “She’s not abusive. She’d never hurt me.” 

“There are different kinds of abuse.” Karma recognized Nagisa’s need for space and dropped his arms. “Whether intentional or not, she’s abusing you. Even if it’s not physical.” 

“I shouldn’t have told you…” Nagisa’s gaze dropped and his heart began pounding against his sternum, seemingly trying to escape its cage. “I shouldn’t have…” 

“I’m glad you did.” Karma hoped Nagisa could hear his smile. “I won’t do anything if you don’t want me to, I’ll just be here for you when you need me.” 

Nagisa peered up through his bangs, distrust clear in his expression. 

“But know that if you’re ever in danger… I can’t promise I won’t protect you.” 

Nagisa’s eyes softened and he again began sobbing, face buried in his hands at Karma’s words. Support wasn’t something he was used to. Until E-Class. 

“C’mere.” Karma wrapped a hesitant arm around Nagisa’s shoulders, and pulled him close when the shorter boy relaxed under his grip. “You’re not killing yourself. You hear me?” 

“I’m not… killing myself.” Nagisa repeated back through hiccups. 

“Good. Now call your dad. You need to get out of that house.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I recently re-read and re-watched Assassination Classroom and hyper fixation makes writing fanfiction incredibly easy. This is the first of many Ass Class works I've produced in the last couple of weeks. Damn series takes over my life every time I think of it. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this quick little bit of angst from my favourite boys! Drop me a comment if you enjoyed, and stick around if you want more Nagisa whump and protective Karma :) (also I have MaeIso in the works for the first time and that's been F U N) 
> 
> See y'all again, I hope!


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